Dear Evening Stubble,
Do you know why the grass is always greener on the other side? That is because no one takes the trouble to mow those lawns. But, take a walk down this rough patch and you will come back bruised by its unkempt nature.
So it is with you. Laziness has never been bottled better. Disguised under the garb of a macho look, the five o’clock shadow has claimed many unsuspecting victims. Yet, none of them are any wiser, simply because you refuse to let go and I mean, literally. The media has put you on a pedestal as the ‘look to sport’, but they aren’t the ones living the nightmare. So, even as the Billboards glorify the desi clones of George Michael, let the truth be told. You are unwanted!
You just don’t seem to understand why the WOES? Do you realize, you are the reason why………
- Mr. Himesh has no girlfriend and not because of his nasal twang. You get ear plugs for that.
- Ms. Basu moved on in life because she simply did not want to be seen with an escaped convict.
- Mr. Ajay had to drop a letter from his surname since lady luck could not recognize him.
- Mrs. Roshan, tired of her husband‘s disheveled ways, took to kite flying as a hobby.
- Mr. Shahid has not been getting any action in recent times, hence has been constantly changing lanes.
- Mrs. Khan’s pleas fell on deaf ears, so she hid the TV remote during the IPL.
- Junior has the world at home, yet his face is not his fortune.
- Mrs. Kundra and Mrs. Kumar have apparently become friends, for they have nothing better to do in the evenings.
And wait, the above were specific case studies, but there are more generic instances too. Some species began as an overnight indulgence and went on to become Amazon forests. So much so, that a peck on the cheek felt like being caught with a Werewolf at Twilight. There are some who felt, it added to their face value and upped the chances of hot chicks finding them uber cool. Could somebody tell them, pricks don’t find favour with the ladies, ever..........!
Then, there are those, to whom subtle hints don’t work. Neither does spelling it out. They just won’t budge. Blame it on the agrarian economy we come from. We like to see all our crops in full bloom. If only the gardens of Eden could be watered from heavens afar, the womenfolk would still have obliged. Alas, the picket fence harbours the weeds of different kinds. And who wants to go on a treasure hunt through the maze every time? Most women I know, have an OCD when it comes to cleanliness. Take it from me.
And so, the battle continues and you, my dear stubble, have caused a cold war too many. Unwittingly, you have become the anti-social element in our lives. But not anymore! For, I now stand between you and your unclean plans. And, I don’t understand why you refuse to go? Not that you have to bear the brunt of a hot wax job! Just my masterstroke combination of a 5 blade Shaving Surface Technology with an Enhanced Indicator Lubrastrip topped with a 15 microfin comfort guard. That, my friend, is truly the best a man can get.
You know what they say, about never sending a man to do a woman’s job. I've got a better one for you. Never let a man come in the way of a woman’s job. So, pack your bags and say au revoir to MANkind, coz I’ve got my designs on them.
C'est la vie………… n'est-ce pas?