Friday, September 28, 2012

Till Death Do Us Part.......



Google Image 


It was the end of the road. I finally said the words I had thought a million times but never spoken. But he had left me with no option. I was hoping he’d come around but sometimes you need to walk the plank.......A flashback moment to the day it all began. 

I had won a blogging contest. My joy knew no bounds. Six months into the Blogosphere and BlogwatiG was a name people recognized. Fame can make a celebrity out of you for no rhyme or reason. The adrenalin was pumping, my Blog Stats were jumping and life was good. I was enjoying where I was and then it hit me. It was time for BlogwatiG to move to the next level. And I knew just how.

When hubby dearest came home that evening, I smiled and asked, “How was your day honey?” He looked quizzically and asked if I’d run up a huge shopping bill for the sweetness spillover. Touché, but I ignored the silly jibe. In my excitement I was willing to be forgiving. I told him that I had hit upon a brilliant idea. And very soon we could retire rich. All he needed to do was follow my lead.

Now having married me, he knew better than just to follow blindly. So he settled down, poured himself a drink and looked at me. That was my cue to continue. I told him I had won a blogging contest. I was now convinced that the virtual world was where companies were placing their bets. It was the Digital Big Bang.  He took a sip of his delightful Absolut Green Apple Vodka (which I really think makes for a fab room freshener) and said “Congratulations and I am listening.”  Happily, I continued. I told him it was time that he took to Blogging too and I even had a name for his page, BlogpatiG!*

If he was aghast, he did not show it. Hubby is that way, pretty much in nirvana mode most of the time. That is how we are adding the years to our marriage. But that is beside the point. Coming to the topic of conversation, I continued in the same breath, “And you don’t even have to write, I will ghostwrite! I am just borrowing your identity.”

He looked confused. I went on to explain.

“Look, you and I both know, you can’t write. But you exist. So, I create an account in your name and start posting, look up other bloggers, FB pages and groups, twitter accounts, the works really. This will eventually increase your popularity and BlogpatiG would have arrived. You don't need to do nothing. I will be your manager, secretly of course.”

“And how does that make us rich?” he looked bewildered. I am sure it was the Vodka.

I added excitedly as though I had just unwrapped my Christmas present, “Blogging Events and Contests honey! You and I could be the first couple of the Blogosphere. PatiwatiG will share centre stage with the likes of Brangelina and Saifeena”, I exclaimed like a wide eyed puppy.  

His face looked strange. A bit purple if I may add. Or was it green?

I continued irrespective. “I’ll need you to tag along for blogger events so that people know that we are two of a kind. We could click pictures, mingle with people talking about our product likes and basically give out gyaan to all who don’t want to listen. Why we could wear matching Brand Tees too. That is how sponsors know you mean serious business.”  

As the information sunk in, my dazed hubby finally mustered the courage to ask, “What happens next?”

Sensing his enthusiasm I smiled. “Well, we get noticed and writing offers start pouring in. We build contacts and win contests if we work as a team 'technically'. And don’t forget all this while, it is twice the amount of freebies coming home for all events we attend and contests that we enter! Ah, that reminds me, I must be careful to post multiple entries just before the deadline, lest they get copied.

“So you are saying………….” I cut him short.

“That we sell the extras of course. How many pen drives and phones do you really need? So that is income from source one. Contest earnings are income from source two and the writing for various publications is income from source three. Ain’t that a foul proof MLM method to be a millionaire?”

He refilled his glass and seemed at a loss of words. But then again, he always has been the reserved kinds.

I put in the statutory warning. “Of course, time to time we will have to endorse each other’s sites to show what a loving couple we are. Throw in a bit of the fabricated bedroom action to grab page views. Never mind if we haven’t knocked on heaven’s door for some time. They don’t need to know that. Fiction and facts are two sides of the same coin.

He rolled his eyes. I didn’t notice.  

“So what do you think?” I asked with bated breath.

“I think I want my wife back. I have just about learnt to adjust with her. I don’t have the patience to re-learn with her BlogwatiG avatar! 

I tried to convince him otherwise. He had moved his attention to the ongoing IPL T20 world cup. 

It was the end of the road. I finally said the words I had thought a million times but never spoken. But he had left me with no option. I was hoping he’d come around but sometimes you need to walk the plank.

“Fine”, I said icily. “Tomorrow when you come home, you won’t find the remotes!”


Disclaimer

As an honorable blogger I believe in freedom of speech. BlogpatiG got his freedom after he agreed to BlogwatiG’s speech. As this post is being written, BlogpatiG is being registered as the new entrant to the world of Blogging. No remotes were harmed during  the posting of this write up.


*BlogpatiG = 'Blog' is self explanatory. 'Pati' means Husband. 'G' after a name signifies addressing with respect.

44 comments:

magiceye said...

Lol! You are incorrigible!!

Binny said...

Knowing you n julian.....that was a wonderful read

Blogwati Gee said...

Gracias Binny :D

Alka Gurha said...

Blogpati G ...did you find the remote?

The idea was brilliant....try selling it again....at your own risk.

Blogwati Gee said...

Alka, I had hubby at gunpoint.....so he surrendered and I gave him the remotes :D

JANU said...

Uh oh! Now, I know the type of jadu you have at home to do the safai...the flying kind !!
Green Apple, Nirvana, endorsements...LOL. Think I will flick this idea from you and put some sense into my hubbys head...after all copy + paste is an art too!!(Batting my eyelids...innocently.)

Blogwati Gee said...

Go for it Janu...woh idea hi kya jo copy na ho! LOL!

C. Suresh said...

Do tell me if you made your millions :) May make me reconsider the idea of marrying :) Of course, being the perpetual contest also-ran and with blog-views digging their way underground, I'll have to find an expert blogger who can ghost-write mine as well and fool her into marrying me :)

Blogwati Gee said...

Damn C. Suresh you are looking for a wife......had it been a husband....I would have said...take mine :P

Farila said...

Without reading your post or making plans, by sheer accident I have become a lahkpati(pati has nothing to do with my success) through blogging, but the real of joy of blogging comes when I fall off my chair by laughing at humorous posts like this. LOL

akita said...

Julian needs something MORE stronger than vodka now ( my next trip ill stop at DUTY FREE ) ...... mother n daughter and their BLOGS !!!!!!

Bechara "BIL"

vasu said...

Hilarious !

Blogwati Gee said...

Awwww thanks Farila......not sure if pati found it humorous though :D

Blogwati Gee said...

Oye Akita, Khoon ka rishta bhool gayi....................kaise?

Blogwati Gee said...

Vasu, Gracias.....see it almost rhymes :D

prateek mathur said...

This has to be the first and the only instance so far of informed "ghost writing", barring celebrity biographies.
We welcome BlogPatiG...and a sincere advice, write in a completely different genre for this alias. No humor, poetry or women related social issues. That would be a great change!

Also, I didn't quite understand the idea of making millions by blogging but I can pull off an IPR infringement on u for "copying" by blog post title from a couple of months ago!! Apke paas jo millions ane wale hain, usme mera cut tayyar ho jayega! :D

prateek mathur said...

Oh btw, did I tell u...this was funny as hell! (even though with ur class, it sounds redundant! :) )

Blogwati Gee said...

Prateek, aise welcome karoge toh patidev bahg jayenge....lol!

Arre millions aane ke liye guest appearnce bhi zaroori hai.....aur uncle tayyar hi nahin ho rahe.....ufff!

A compliment from you always makes me smile :D

Phoenixritu said...

I wanted to befriend BlogpatiG, and then ask him where he got his patience from :(

You "Gotcha" me

Bella said...

Excellent.... You are one of a kind!!!

Rickie said...

Hah! Been there done that. My cabbage had this conversation with me 6 months ago. Why else do you think it chose the 'reeky coleslaw' blog identity for me?
I think it is doing a fine job perpetuating the myth that I exist in the universe!
:D

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

Hahaha awesome one :D

Vishal Kataria said...

LOL! Mazaa aa gaya padjke :)

Purba said...

I am more interested in the tapes. Where can I get them?

unnati said...

Awesome stuff !

mridulachitnis said...

:D couldn't stop but compare with joey he too finds a guy whose hand is exactly like joey's hand... a twin hand!!!.... but he too isn't taken seriously and his dream of becoming multimillionaire crashes before taking off...No wonder world is at terrible loss cause of unenthusiastic partners lol blogwatig ke blogpatig listen....

Blogwati Gee said...

PhoenixRitu, please do....aur phir mujhe bhi batana...taki main aur fayda utha sakoon :P

Blogwati Gee said...

Awwwww Bells that could be the genetic engineering that kinda helps here......double chin et al :D

Blogwati Gee said...

Ah...... Rickie par pati toh akhir pati hota hai :D

Blogwati Gee said...

Thanks Anita....husband humour earns a lot of fans I See :D

Blogwati Gee said...

Thank you Kakadi man, Vishal :P

Blogwati Gee said...

Just like you Purba.....to go after the real thing :D

Blogwati Gee said...

Thanks Unnati, glad you thought so!

Blogwati Gee said...

Mridula, true that...... greatness is not easily recognized.

sharmila said...

I went ahead and 'liked' BlogpatiG.Since we have come across ghost writers who would rather be ghosts in real life,this lovable ghost writer will be welcomed with open arms.
Three cheers for a dabangg GW jo keh ke legaa!!:D
ps-GW stands for ghost writer and has no connection with any gang of any place.

Blogwati Gee said...

Ha ha ha Sharmila...I am sure BlogpatiG will be very thrilled to hear that!

The Fool said...

This is over the top and done with finesse. Enjoyed it to the core.

Blogwati Gee said...

And yet it is being done much before we came onto the scenes, TF :)

Blogwati Gee said...

Magiceye, maine kya kiya? *wonders* :P

Blogwati Gee said...

Gracias Binny :D

Naina Madan said...

Now that will be one super jodi, PatiWati G!! Had a ROFL time reading the pati-patni conversation!! :-D

Blogwati Gee said...

Naina, I am just following the example set across by others :P

Roshni AaMom said...

OMG!! I'm so looking forward to the scenes of bedroom action!! :D

Blogwati Gee said...

Lol, he on his BB and me on the laptop..........as active as it gets :P

Post a Comment

Have an opinion, voice it!

ShareThis

 
Copyright (c) 2010 BLOGWATI G. Design by WPThemes Expert
Themes By Buy My Themes And Cheap Conveyancing.