It was the end of the road. I finally said the words I had thought a million times but never spoken. But he had left me with no option. I was hoping he’d come around but sometimes you need to walk the plank.......A flashback moment to the day it all began.
I had won a blogging contest. My joy knew no bounds. Six months into the Blogosphere and BlogwatiG was a name people recognized. Fame can make a celebrity out of you for no rhyme or reason. The adrenalin was pumping, my Blog Stats were jumping and life was good. I was enjoying where I was and then it hit me. It was time for BlogwatiG to move to the next level. And I knew just how.
When hubby dearest came home that evening, I smiled and asked, “How was your day honey?” He looked quizzically and asked if I’d run up a huge shopping bill for the sweetness spillover. Touché, but I ignored the silly jibe. In my excitement I was willing to be forgiving. I told him that I had hit upon a brilliant idea. And very soon we could retire rich. All he needed to do was follow my lead.
Now having married me, he knew better than just to follow blindly. So he settled down, poured himself a drink and looked at me. That was my cue to continue. I told him I had won a blogging contest. I was now convinced that the virtual world was where companies were placing their bets. It was the Digital Big Bang. He took a sip of his delightful Absolut Green Apple Vodka (which I really think makes for a fab room freshener) and said “Congratulations and I am listening.” Happily, I continued. I told him it was time that he took to Blogging too and I even had a name for his page, BlogpatiG!*
If he was aghast, he did not show it. Hubby is that way, pretty much in nirvana mode most of the time. That is how we are adding the years to our marriage. But that is beside the point. Coming to the topic of conversation, I continued in the same breath, “And you don’t even have to write, I will ghostwrite! I am just borrowing your identity.”
He looked confused. I went on to explain.
“Look, you and I both know, you can’t write. But you exist. So, I create an account in your name and start posting, look up other bloggers, FB pages and groups, twitter accounts, the works really. This will eventually increase your popularity and BlogpatiG would have arrived. You don't need to do nothing. I will be your manager, secretly of course.”
“And how does that make us rich?” he looked bewildered. I am sure it was the Vodka.
His face looked strange. A bit purple if I may add. Or was it green?
I continued irrespective. “I’ll need you to tag along for blogger events so that people know that we are two of a kind. We could click pictures, mingle with people talking about our product likes and basically give out gyaan to all who don’t want to listen. Why we could wear matching Brand Tees too. That is how sponsors know you mean serious business.”
As the information sunk in, my dazed hubby finally mustered the courage to ask, “What happens next?”
Sensing his enthusiasm I smiled. “Well, we get noticed and writing offers start pouring in. We build contacts and win contests if we work as a team 'technically'. And don’t forget all this while, it is twice the amount of freebies coming home for all events we attend and contests that we enter! Ah, that reminds me, I must be careful to post multiple entries just before the deadline, lest they get copied.”
“So you are saying………….” I cut him short.
“That we sell the extras of course. How many pen drives and phones do you really need? So that is income from source one. Contest earnings are income from source two and the writing for various publications is income from source three. Ain’t that a foul proof MLM method to be a millionaire?”
He refilled his glass and seemed at a loss of words. But then again, he always has been the reserved kinds.
I put in the statutory warning. “Of course, time to time we will have to endorse each other’s sites to show what a loving couple we are. Throw in a bit of the fabricated bedroom action to grab page views. Never mind if we haven’t knocked on heaven’s door for some time. They don’t need to know that. Fiction and facts are two sides of the same coin.”
He rolled his eyes. I didn’t notice.
“So what do you think?” I asked with bated breath.
“I think I want my wife back. I have just about learnt to adjust with her. I don’t have the patience to re-learn with her BlogwatiG avatar!
I tried to convince him otherwise. He had moved his attention to the ongoing IPL T20 world cup.
It was the end of the road. I finally said the words I had thought a million times but never spoken. But he had left me with no option. I was hoping he’d come around but sometimes you need to walk the plank.
“Fine”, I said icily. “Tomorrow when you come home, you won’t find the remotes!”
As an honorable blogger I believe in freedom of speech. BlogpatiG got his freedom after he agreed to BlogwatiG’s speech. As this post is being written, BlogpatiG is being registered as the new entrant to the world of Blogging. No remotes were harmed during the posting of this write up.
*BlogpatiG = 'Blog' is self explanatory. 'Pati' means Husband. 'G' after a name signifies addressing with respect.